rankest ingratitude

Lest I seem even more repellently self-absorbed in my breakup/miscarriage combo than I am (though I really am), I just saw this (haven’t checked stats in months and months) and want to thank you. North Babylon! I love that I have readers in Babylon! (Or Gotham?). Even if half of you reading are half of the time filled with contempt and loathing, that means some of you still like me enough to come back here, and I don’t mean to sound as though that’s nothing. It’s really something. My former Zen teacher always used to quote the Buddha saying to Ananda that the whole of the spiritual life is good friends. I’m honestly not sure it’s enough to give one the will to live, to be perfectly blunt; but it’s so kind of you. Unbelievably generous, when I am so maudlin and grotesque and gross and getting-what-she-deserves.

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